Friday, January 29, 2010

Just wanted to give you all a brief update on how I am doing since the procedure. Surprisingly I am doing quite well. I think the anticipation and anxiety leading up to the procedure really was the most difficult. Knowing what I had to do and the sadness I felt for the baby that was going to be taken. I was filled with shame and guilt and couldn't grasp how someone who longed for a child could do such a thing. I don't know if I will ever fully understand the IP's decision but the fact of the matter is its done and I have moved on. I have prayed for forgiveness and I fully believe in my heart that God has granted me that forgiveness. God knows the person that I am and only he truly knows my soul and I know that he forgives me!! I am not going to dwell on the past and continue to allow this to affect my life and this process. I have moved on and I am exited each and every day for the gift that I am going to be giving to this couple. I have my first appt. with an OB next week so I will let you all know how it goes and post pictures if they give me any:)

Thanks again for those of you who have followed my blog and have given me words of encouragement and kindness.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

What's done is done

Well yesturday was the day. Monday was an extremely difficult day for me as I knew what Tuesday had to bring for me. I gave one last attempt with the IP on Monday evening to try and deter her from going through with this, but my attempt failed. She explained to me that she wanted the doctor to only transfer one egg because she didn't want this to happen. She is older and explained to the doctor from the beginning that she felt she was physically only capable of caring for one child and he explained to her that the chances of the transfer were greater if transfering two eggs. It is just amazing that both eggs took which brings us to this unfortunate event.
I went to the doctor Tuesday and she was extremely nice and very in depth about all that I needed to know. Dangers/risks to myself and the babies..carrying multiples etc. At first she just kept going on and on and I thought just shut up and get it over with. I was just so overwhelmed I just wanted to be done with it! Once it was all said and done I was glad that she talked and talked because she made me feel alot more at ease and comfortable. I was in a situation that I wasn't happy to be in and she could sense that and I told her that. She tried to make me feel as comfortable as possable. The procedure is done! I feel better than I thought I would. I feel horrible obviously but at this point what's done is done and I need to move forward. It is time for me now to move on and focus on the posative aspect of this whole journey that I set out on. In the end of this all I will still be blessing a family with a beautiful beautiful gift!!

I appreciate all your guys' thoughts and prayers throughout the difficult times of this, it truly has helped me and moved me with all of your caring words.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Went to the doctor today. He said the babies are really growing. He says to me, "Wow these babies are getting big." lol He only gave me the picture of one since he knew I was undergoing a reduction. I told him that she still wanted to persue it so he felt that giving me a picture of only one was fair. I go in next Tuesday for the reduction. Please pray for the best. I have been praying for a miricle in that she will change her mind but I have a feeling it's not going to work. Either way next week is going to be a difficult week for me and I am going to have to get over the hurdle and move forward. I appreciate everyones prayers and thoughts:)

Sunday, January 3, 2010

So I recieved an email the other day from my case worker. She informed me that the IP had spoken with the Doctor that will be performing the procedure. After speaking to the Doctor she still wants to move forward with the procedure. I am quite surprised because after hearing about it I was discusted and if it were my child I would be even more discusted. On that note I realize that nothing is going to change and it is what it is and there's nothing more that I can do at this point. I will go ahead with the procedure when the time comes and I will move forward from there..knowing that at the end of all of this I am still going to be doing something completly amazing for someone. I am not going to allow this to ruin that!! Although it sucks and I obviously feel horrable that they are making this decision I am going to stay strong and focused on what I set out to do.