Wednesday, January 20, 2010

What's done is done

Well yesturday was the day. Monday was an extremely difficult day for me as I knew what Tuesday had to bring for me. I gave one last attempt with the IP on Monday evening to try and deter her from going through with this, but my attempt failed. She explained to me that she wanted the doctor to only transfer one egg because she didn't want this to happen. She is older and explained to the doctor from the beginning that she felt she was physically only capable of caring for one child and he explained to her that the chances of the transfer were greater if transfering two eggs. It is just amazing that both eggs took which brings us to this unfortunate event.
I went to the doctor Tuesday and she was extremely nice and very in depth about all that I needed to know. Dangers/risks to myself and the babies..carrying multiples etc. At first she just kept going on and on and I thought just shut up and get it over with. I was just so overwhelmed I just wanted to be done with it! Once it was all said and done I was glad that she talked and talked because she made me feel alot more at ease and comfortable. I was in a situation that I wasn't happy to be in and she could sense that and I told her that. She tried to make me feel as comfortable as possable. The procedure is done! I feel better than I thought I would. I feel horrible obviously but at this point what's done is done and I need to move forward. It is time for me now to move on and focus on the posative aspect of this whole journey that I set out on. In the end of this all I will still be blessing a family with a beautiful beautiful gift!!

I appreciate all your guys' thoughts and prayers throughout the difficult times of this, it truly has helped me and moved me with all of your caring words.


  1. I hope that you recover quickly and that you don't experience any serious side-effects. You and your pregnancy will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers!

  2. Sorry you had to go through such a trying experience. Looking forward to following the rest of your pregnancy! I am pregnant with my 3rd and am due in June and have thought about becoming a surrogate in the future, Nice to see you blog about the experience!

  3. I am so sorry you had to go through this. While I mourn the loss of an innocent life, I do hope that the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly and that you deliver a healthy baby.

  4. Still praying for you Audra. My heart is breaking for you. Move forward, that's all you can do. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well & that you are feeling better very soon. Thank you so much for giving an update.

  5. Sorry you had to do it!! Praying for you!!

  6. I am so sorry...You have given them such a generous gift. As someone going through infertility and trying to conceive and then adopt for 5 years it hurts me. I would of taken them both, as they were both meant to be! I'm prayer for you and the babies..

  7. Nicole,
    How indredibly insensitive. You have no idea what she's going through nor do you have ANY details into the situation. Next time, if you're not going to offer support, maybe you should offer nothing at all.

  8. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. It's just an awful, horrible situation. I understand the legalities of it, but I think I would have run! (I'm not saying you should have done that at all, I definitely have sympathy for you). I'll be praying for you.

  9. I do feel bad for you, but you now need to repent for what you have done and ask the Lord for forgiveness and also the baby aborted for forgiveness. He will forgive you if you are honestly seeking and are repentant.

    If you fail to do this, you will be opening up demonic strongholds in your life in which the enemy will have full license to attack you. These doorways can be closed through repentance, forgiveness and then binding and casting out the demons that may have entered you from this sin. They need to be cast out in the name of Jesus Christ. First you must make sure you are saved first, before you cast a demonic spirit out.

    I do feel for you...I understand you felt like you had no choice, but it is still a sin and so you need to cover yourself as it was you that allowed the baby to be aborted. The Lord is merciful and He can show you how to close these strongholds for good, but you must approach Him with a humble and contrite heart. I will be praying for you and the other baby you are carrying. Spirits of rejection and guilt may enter and destroy your life later if you don't take care of this now.

    I know this stuff sounds crazy, but I have been involved in deliverance ministry and abortion is one of those areas that can spiritually devastate a person if it isn't handled correctly.

  10. How are you doing? I'm sure some of the comments have been overwhelming. Best wishes to you.

  11. Danna,
    If you have read all my previous blogs you would understand that I do have shame in having to have gone through the reduction. In past blogs I have stated that I would be not only praying for the situation that I'm in but also for forgiveness for what I was going to have to do. I don't believe that anyone can fully understand what I have gone through unless they themselves have been in the situation. I am not doing this blog to recieve critisism and negativity. I have decided to become a surrogate out of the goodness of my heart and I know that I am a good person regardless of an unfortunate situation that arrose. I would appreciate it if you or anyone else that has negative fowl things to say would not follow my blog or post negative feedback. This is suppost to be a posative experience and your negativity and constant reminder isn't going to help me move on! Obviously I don't like what I had to do but its done and I would like to move on!

  12. I don't think Danna was trying to be negative and foul. I think she was acknowledging how hard this must be for you and that repentance would really help you move on.
    I hope you're finding that forgiveness you're praying for. What a rough time!

  13. Audra,
    I have been following your blog since your first post. As a mother of 3, whose life totally revolves around my kids, I have been way too emotionally moved by each of your posts to even comment on them. I literally cry every time I read them.

    I was too scared to read the update about the "procedure" because I felt SOOO bad for you, for the position you were in. I tried putting myself in your shoes. I asked myself "what would you do?" What in the world could I do but have the "procedure" I thought: You (myself in your shoes) signed a legal binding contract-there could be lifelong legal ramifications for making any choice but to go along with the wishes of the IP. AND you have a family of your own to consider.

    I have been torn up inside for you. AND for the woman who has no idea what kind of gift she chose to throw away by choosing to follow through with this "procedure". You have been in my thoughts, constantly.

    At this moment I am disgusted by the cruel, insensitive, judgemental, comments of Donna. I don't know or care who she is and I hope you dont either. You have been through enough & I hope you dont let her words of pure & utter stupidity effect you for one minute.

    You are a wonderful person & are bringing someone to this earth who otherwise would not have a way of making it here. You are providing him or her a safe & loving home and all the love & nourishment he or she needs to grow to be a healthy baby that will be capable of surviving in this harsh world outside your womb. You are sacrificing your body & a piece of your soul in a way that few others will ever comprehend.

    So, I hope you don't mind me making this request to Donna and anyone else who wants to act like a bitch...shut the fuck up!

  14. We all know you are going to be dealing with guilt here, and it is going to be a long healing process; but know you are in my prayers, that God does love you and is weeping with you, and rest assured that that baby is now safe in Jesus' arms. Hugs to you girl! My heart aches for you!