Went to the doctor today. He said the babies are really growing. He says to me, "Wow these babies are getting big." lol He only gave me the picture of one since he knew I was undergoing a reduction. I told him that she still wanted to persue it so he felt that giving me a picture of only one was fair. I go in next Tuesday for the reduction. Please pray for the best. I have been praying for a miricle in that she will change her mind but I have a feeling it's not going to work. Either way next week is going to be a difficult week for me and I am going to have to get over the hurdle and move forward. I appreciate everyones prayers and thoughts:)
I wish the best for you audra. I will pass all my prayers and hope to you. I hope you and the baby will be ok. I know that sounds bad, knowing the situation, But I do wish the best for you and yours. Keep your head up. You are a strong person.
ReplyDeleteI'm just sick about this! My heart is just breaking for your predicament. I cannot believe that you can actually be forced to 'reduce' one. Is there really no way that you can carry both to term and maybe give one up for adoption? I'm sure you have tried every avenue - and i will definitely continue to pray for you, these two beautiful babies and the adopting couple. It's ironic that the 'pro-choice' movement has actually taken away your choice!
ReplyDeleteI don't care what any lawyer, judge, or signed contract says: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GET AN ABORTION!! No one is going to take you at gunpoint and physicially force an abortion on you. The adoptive "parents" may sue you- let them! If you are worried about money- don't be. God will provide. Test Him on this! Do not participate in the sin of the parents! The person who needs to change her mind is YOU! You need sound spiritual and legal advice as well as emotional support. Please contact a local Christian crisis pregnancy center or a local Chrisitan church. Or consider contacting a Christian non-profit charity called CHASK (1-800-266-9837). Although their primary purpose is assisting families with special needs pregnancies, they are great champions of the unborn and I'm sure could point you in the right direction. I will pray for wisdom and God's strength for you.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Barbara said, they can not force you at gun point to have an abortion. Even if they did try to sue you she is right in that God WILL provide, HE always does! and in the end YOU will know that you did the right thing, made the right choice, because even after all is said and done you are going to have the memories of this because it's happening to YOU and not to this other lady that wants the abortion.
ReplyDeleteFirst thing that came to my mind: Can't she just keep the other one or place it in a family who isnt able to become pregnant!? I have no clue if thats legal but you could ask the IP if they would be ok with that. Tell them you dont believe in abortion. I know you signed something but maybe they will respect your wish. Seriously why would they want to risk the life of the child they want by reducing one of the twins. And HOW on earth are they gonna choose which one to keep and which one to KILL?? That is murder.
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you and for the IP. I pray they change their mind or at least let you carry both. In prayers...
I agree, I would NOT go through with an abortion. It is your body and I would simply refuse. They can choose to keep them both, place one up for adoption, there are so many options other than killing a baby and risking the life of the other, as well as risking your health.
ReplyDeleteI'm absolutely sick to my stomach, sad, angry, confused... How could someone who has obviously went the "extra mile" to be a Mother kill one of her babies! What!? This doesn't make sense? Would this baby be available for adoption? I strongly advise you to ask direction from God. Please don't let them kill this baby. Seek legal advise. It's your body ultimately... What if both babies die? One certainly will. It's living, breathing, developing normally. I'm looking at m 19mth old now. I remember seeing him at this stage (as I did my OTHER 3 boys). WE ALL START OUT LIKE THIS. It's human life - MURDER! I am very sorry you are in this situation. I'm sure you knew the risks going in though. Oh, please don't let this murder take place. Wow, a planned murder - premeditated. What the heck is wrong with the laws here!? We can't kill people on the outside of our body but if they are on the INSIDE of us attached by blood and tissue we can hatch them up. I'm going to go throw up. :(
ReplyDeleteI'll take the baby! Please tell them I will take it. It doesn't not have to die.
we don't know eachother, but i found your blog and my husband and i would love to adopt the other baby - please email me, call me or whatever - i can tell how upset you are and you should be know that i am thinking about you and praying for you.
ReplyDeletelove amanda
thedurands@hotmail.com
407 889 2261 (home) 407 463 9438 (cell)
I am just in shock. I can't believe that this WOMAN. ( I will not refer to her as a mother, for a MOTHER would not kill one of her children. )
ReplyDeleteI hope and pray that with the Lords guidance you will NOT follow through. There are plenty of folks that stand behind you and will walk by your side through this.
Keep praying.
Tell her you will not kill any baby unless she is there with you. SHE can watch them kill a baby. Do you know that a 13 week baby is fully formed-you can see all it's fingers and toes and it's gender. No way can you do this-you will just as guilty of murder as her.
ReplyDeleteOh and I am just curious but if you got pregnant through a donor then basically those are not their bios and maybe that could help. Bc if they were really the bios they would have to approve of an adoption but maybe if you had everything from anonymous donors the law could be bent a little.
ReplyDeleteI am in prayer for you! I would be the happiest person alive if I would be having twins.. Double the blessing, double the love, double the fun, double the work but SO WORTH IT!!
What are the consequences if you refuse the reduction? I know there are a lot of people who would be willing to come to the aid of your babies, I know I'd be willing to donate money to help cover your medical/lawyer expenses - I am sure there are a lot of others out there who would do the same. Please get a lawyer in family law, I believe there is a loophole where you can get out of the contract - there are a number of cases where surrogate parents are able to retain custody even if the babies are not genetically there's. In all but two states you have to actually give them up for adoption at birth even if the twins are genetically the IPs. You can refuse to do that, maybe we (the internet/blogging world) can help you bear the brunt of the consequences! Let us help you find lawyers, financial assistance, maybe even homes for the little ones!
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine the position you are in, my heart breaks for you, I hope that whatever decision you make, you will find peace in it. I will pray that God will work in the IPs hearts!!! Our God is an amazing God!
Please don't be discouraged when people make comments that are mean and rude. You are legally bound here and I know God understands that. I cannot imagine how hard this must be. God knows your pain and understands your situation, no matter what. I really hope they change their minds. I only wish they had to undergo this procedure and not you. I will be praying they change their minds!
ReplyDeleteIf you are interested I am sure we could all work together to set up some sort of donation thing for you to get some legal assistance. If you don't feel right about this or have any doubts you should not do it. Others on here have posted they would help, I am sure we could spread the word a lot through our blogs and get you donations. Say the word and we could all make it happen for you. (I personally don't know a lot about the ins and outs of how to set stuff up for donations but I am sure someone does! ;) I will be praying for you and the IP TWO babies!
ReplyDeleteI can't belive what this woman is making you do. I would give ANYTHING to have a child, and she's just deciding to kill one and keep the other?!?! I mean, what's she going to tell the other child about their TWIN? I had a twin that died before we were born, not at any fault of my mother, and I still think about him all the time. How will this other baby be able to forgive their mother for killing a twin with whome they shared a womb? Unbelievable.
ReplyDeleteI agree with many here who say you have a right to not go through with it. Yes, they may try and sue you, but at least you did it for the life of a child. And there are plenty of people (including me) who would want to love and care for that child. The blogging community can come together and be your support.
Do NOT go through with this. This is so ungodly I cant even say. I will adopt the unwanted baby!!! I am NOT kidding, please contact me!! This is just unbelievable and incredibly heartless.
ReplyDeleteAudra, I am so heartbroken for you, and this situation. I understand you feel obligated to go through with this, but I do not believe you are. Legally, absolutely. Morally, its your call. You do have a choice here. There are consequences, but there will be consequences either way. Which consequences can you live with, when you lay your head on your pillow at night? You ultimately have to be able to live with yourself. In the Bible, in the Book of Exodus, the Egyptian Pharaoh told the Hebrew mid-wives to kill all the male babies of the Hebrews, but the Bible says they refused, because they feared God. Also, Moses lived because his mother feared God and would not allow him to be put to death. If you fear God, and do what is right, then you will do well. If you go against your conscience, regardless of the legalities, it will be a much harder road for you. Praying for you, the IP, and the situation.
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine what you are going through. I agrre, that I can't see why they would follow through with a reduction. I would ask her what her child will think someday, if/when they find out and understand that they had a twin. I know I would be upset. What if they chose my twin and not me?? What would it have been like to grow up with a sibling?? Etc.? Good Luck!! I will be thinking of you and those babies!!
ReplyDeleteAlso before leaving the hospital have them do a pulse ox test. It's none invasive and just checks the oxygen level of the baby(ies). It can sometimes help doctors find an undetected heart problem. Congenital Heart Defects are the #1 birth defect. "Nearly twice as many children die from Congenital Heart Defects in the United States each year as from all forms of childhood cancers combined.
Yet funding for pediatric cancer research is 5 times higher than funding for Congenital Heart Defects. " http://www.itsmyheart.org/
I *think* I may have found a law school that will review your case and may consider taking you on a pro-bono basis. You can let both babies live and put one up for adoption, this way the IPs "win" in getting only one child, you don't have to worry about your conscience, and you get to bless another family with a gift! There are so many women who are desperate for little lives! You might be responsible for all of your expenses, but I bet we can find a way to cover them. The blogging world has been generous! I will try and contact the lawyers on Monday - email me so I can give them your contact info.
ReplyDeleteadmin at quirkymomma dot com
Whatever happened to "My body, my choice" It's not a reduction its called murder. Why would you even think about doing this? I'm not even sure how you will be able to hand over one baby to those people. Nobody can make you do this, you may say it is what they want but in the end its your choice, why pray for them to change their minds when you have the power to save the baby. Its all on you.
ReplyDeleteOh sweetheart. You are in my prayers. I agree with so many on here. Please do not go through with this. I know you want to do what is "right" and not upset this family, whom you think is deserving of a child, but don't worry about what THEY will think, worry about what GOD will think. Trust me, I can sometimes be a "people pleaser" type person, not wanting anyone to be mad at me, etc. I am not saying you are,honey, but I just know that whenever i stop worrying about what "people" want and forcus on what our Lord wants, and do what is right in HIS eyes, he has ALWAYS come through for me and my family. ALWAYS. I really believe that God will provide what is needed for you to keep both. I just feel it. Please sweetheart. I can tell by reading your posts, you know it is not right. I firmly believe that is God's way of saying TRUST ME and do not harm this life. i love you and am praying for you sweet sister in Christ!
ReplyDeleteReduction is never the answer, especially not in this case when your life isn't in danger. You will regret this, honey. They cannot force you to abort this baby. I am sure you are confused and scared and just want the problem taken care of. I can understand. Really I can. But looking from the other side, the guilt you will feel will plague you. This couple won't have the same repercussions because they didn't have this life growing inside of them. This will scar you.
ReplyDeleteSo what if they sue you. What you have provided for them FAR outweighs any inconvenience they will suffer. This makes me sick that you are being railroaded like this. I know my God and HE will provide for you if you stand firm and don't abort this baby.
I am praying that these biological parents will change their mind and make this easier for you. The fact that you are having a conflicted heart over this. That is the leading of the Holy Spirit. Trust this feeling inside you. The Lord will bless you greatly if you hold fast. Not only will He provide for you now, but He will give you eternal rewards.
Do not fear!!! Many of us will be lifting you and those babies up in prayer. I am sure this couple will get angry, but you know what? Let them get angry. What they are asking you to do goes over and beyond what a surrogate should be expected to do. It isn't like you are carrying four or five babies and the risks of all of them perishing is greatly increased. Twins are doable.
I pray that Jesus Christ gives you peace over this and the strength to hold fast to your conviction.
I am praying for you, but have to second the posters who stated that they can't force you to kill this baby. You may be legally bound to them, but you are morally bound to God. Which is more important?
ReplyDeleteI really feel for these babies, the parents want to abort one of the twins because they don't want to deal with two children?! Do you know how this other child is going to feel his/her whole life? Their twin is dead because of the parents!
Fight it. Fight it tooth and nail. While something like this may be in your contract, I bet that there is something about your health in their too and that the parents have to take YOUR health into consideration. You can say that this will damage your mental health, that you do not want a dead baby inside you. This is something that you will regret your whole life. When you see that one baby being born you will realize their other half is missing. Do not partake in that horrible sin. FIGHT!!!
I know you are stuck between a rock and a hard place...but maybe these postings are the answers to your prayers. You don't have to do it, you can save the life of a child. If they don't want the baby, someone else will.
That twin that survives will have a connection to the other and I gaurantee there will be HUGE issues with that later on in his/her life. Anger or whatever.
ReplyDeleteWow....i'm completely blown away that someone would have you do something this tragic. To think about how many of us have lost babies and how hard that is, I just can't imagine what you will go through. It is SOOOOOO hard to deal with the death of a child NO MATTER HOW SMALL!!
Good luck with your journey. You're going to need all the prayers you can get. I don't know if you've ever had a baby before, and if you haven't I can tell you that you will suffer HELL that will not be worth what the reckless adoptive parents are going to be putting you through. I'd give anything too have my baby here with me today. Good luck and my prayers are with you.
If you want to maybe see what I had to go through with losing my child, feel free to read my blog. Archives of 2008 during the months of April-september
I mean this in a loving way, altho it may sound harsh: Please do not go into that room where the death of a child will happen. Fight this evil. If you go through with the murder, you will regret it for the rest of your life.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what your contract states, God will be the final judge. God created this child in your womb; He wants it to live!!! How on earth could a woman who has tried to get pregnant several times kill one child, knowing that someone else could adopt it??
You CAN resist this! Try calling lawyers who could take your case pro bono. Alert the media -- TV, radio, newspapers -- in your town to draw attention to your case. There are enough pro-life people in this world (Thank the Lord!) who can help you with expenses.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't let that precious blessing in your womb die. I beg you, do not go into that room. It will scar you forever. :-(
I agree that you should call a pro-life organization and they will help you with expenses. They will help you get a lawyer and I'm sure because of the situation you will not have to pay!! You are never helpless. fight. fight. fight.
ReplyDeleteAs a mom of twins that were stillborn I am completely furious and utterly heartbroken that someone would purposely kill a child because it in not convenient when there are so many of us that have lost one or both twins who would give our own lives to have their babies live.
ReplyDeletePlease if there is anything I can do or say to help you stand up to these people feel free to contact me...Kim mom to twin angels Faith Elizabeth and Hope Katherine.
I'm not even going to read the other comments. I was sent your story & can't get you off of my mind. I understand others thinking this might be a hoax...I simply wanted you to know I'm praying for you. Know that you have people out here that you will never know...and we are praying & thinking about you. Take care of yourself & I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI know you are not lying. I am praying for you and the hard decision you must now make. It's not fair that you have to go through this when all of your intentions were good and kind.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you will not go through with this abortion and will give the unwanted child to someone else who so desperately wants a baby to love and hold. Since the IP's do not have any ties to this baby, they really should have no say in what happens to it.
Praying for you and hoping that God will guide you on this journey.
Audra,
ReplyDeleteI don't know you but I'm praying for you and these babies. Jesus loves you and them so very much! I pray our God... a God of miracles... does something amazing and wonderful to protect these babies and that all who see this will say "this is the Lord's doing and it is marvelous!"
I am a friend of Trish who i saw post to you. Let me just tell you DON'T DO IT! Please! I can't believe the situration that this couple put you in. I can't imagine what you are going through. I know that there is no way i would ever go through with it. My cusins can't get pregnant and they have adventured into every avenue with no luck. PLEASE this baby needs a home. I would love to get my hands around this couple. I can't believe they would want to get rid of ONE of THERE CHILDREN! When they relize the only child needs another i hope they go through alot of pain because of there decisions! And yet it will not be any amount of the pain you are experencing. Please if there is anything I can do let me know. I do not know you but my prayers are with you!
ReplyDeleteaudra,
ReplyDeletespeak to the parents - tell them to contact me - my husband and i would love to adopt the other baby.
love amanda
thedurands@hotmail.com
Audra,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry about the nasty comments you have gotten. There have been fakers and liars who have conned people in the past. The reason people are calling you a liar is because of what other people have done. Please try not to take it too personally.
I find your situation to be so horrifying that it is hard to believe. I won't lie. I will admit that I have my doubts. But either way, you and your babies are in my prayers. I hope that there can be a peaceful resolution to this that will give everyone comfort. Good luck and God bless.
To those who are telling Audra that she does not have to go through with this, you are right. However, if she does not, she will likely be sued and certainly not get any of her surrogate payment. Nor will she likely ever be allowed to surrogate again through any reputable agency. She made the decision that she would do this when she signed the contract. This contingency and others like it have been specifically covered, I am sure, as that is standard. Audra just could not believe anyone would abort under these specific circumstances. The parents are exercising an option that is specifically addressed which is that they can elect to reduce in the event of multiples.
ReplyDeleteI don't like any of this either, and my sympathies and prayers are with you, Audra. Whatever you decide to do, YOU are going to have to take the fallout. Not any of us who are commenting. I just pray for you.
No one can legally force you to have an abortion, even if it is outlined in a contract that you signed.
ReplyDeletehttp://infertilityanswers.typepad.com/surrogacy_101/2009/02/selective-reduction-who-gets-to-choose.html
If you don't want to reduce, then don't.
Also, if you read that link, you'll see that the odds of losing the entire pregnancy if you reduce from twins to a singleton are very high.
I find a lot about this situation hard to believe, especially the ultrasound picture of one baby when the doctor has no idea which baby would be killed, but at the very least, get yourself informed before killing a human being.
Roe v. Wade prohibits anyone from forcing another human being to have an abortion against her will, even in a surrogate situation.
Audra, it came to my attention that my previous post could possibly have come across as being judgmental, and I wanted to follow up and clear that up with you, in case you read it that way. Typed words are so hard to read emotion through, and I want to make myself crystal clear to you.
ReplyDeleteYou are in a gut-wrenching situation and I am horrified for you. I consider surrogate mothers as the kindest, most generous people around. I applaud your willingness to give the precious gift of life to an infertile couple.
I read your entire blog, and I can see that you are kind and compassionate, and are very much against the abortion of one of these lives that you have nurtured for these weeks. I read the excitement of the pregnancy, and the wish for this couple to have the best chance possible at a baby, so you accepted the second egg. I felt that you possibly needed to be strengthened to resist this course of action you obviously do not want to take, and I wanted to encourage you, and still do want to encourage you in that direction. What I was trying to say, possibly very poorly, the first time, is that God will take care of your legal and financial consequences if you refuse to allow the abortion. He is big enough and strong enough for that, and when you honor Him, He honors that.
My examples were meant as encouragement of times in the past when God was faithful to people that resisted "required" courses of action. The Bible is full of them. Daniel and the lion's den comes to mind. I want to point you to God's word, and His faithfulness that is evident when you choose the right thing, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable consequences.
Audra, God will be with you, if you choose to protect this little one's life.
Either way, my heart goes out to you, and I feel awful that you are faced with this type of event in what should have been a beautiful gift.
You will remain in my prayers.
God is big and it isnt too late. we still today serve the same God who shut the mouths of the lions when daniel was thrown into the den, He can still change this couples heart. i'll be praying for strength and wisdom for you and a change of heart for these parents.
ReplyDeletei didnt see until after my comment posted that michelle right before me also referenced daniel in the lions den..great story to go read and be encouraged of God's faithfulness to His people and His mighty power! praying.
ReplyDeleteCan the baby be born and adopted out? Do you have any rights?
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you have to go through this. I am sad for all of you in this situation. I wish all of you the best.
I would love to adopt this child, my husband and I cannot have kids due to stage 4 endometriosis. We are desperate to become loving parents. sarah2386@hotmail.com
ReplyDeleteaudra i'm thinking of you... i'm in awe of all the comments from friends and people who've just 'come across' your blog.... i know you're a good person and however this turns out , you will still be the same good person, the same audra to me :)
ReplyDeletexoxo
In the legal world we live in you have rights, no matter what you signed. The major and life-long physical and emotional effects of going through with this abortion is legal "ammo" for you. The parents wouldn't have to carry the regret and guilt like you will. Please don't think that just because you signed a contract that you no longer have a choice in the matter. People freak out that things could go wrong with twin pregnancies, but they forget that more often than not everyone gets through it with flying colors. I had twins who shared a placenta (big spike in risks) come out big and healthy. The babies inside you don't have to share anything but space. It seems both babies are healthy. You are healthy. There's no reason the parents can't expect for both babies to come out fine, keep one, and adopt out the other.
ReplyDeleteYou chose to do surragacy to bless couples with parenthood. Now you have the chance to bless TWO families.
Please, go with your heart and do not abort tomorrow.
Praying for you and those precious babies.
My heart and prayers go out to you. I can't imagine having someone trying to make that decision for you....WOW My husband and I have an adopted child and are about to adopt another and if given the opportunity we would love to adopt the other twin. I don't see how she can force you to get a reduction and why would she want to. I don't know if she would be open to it but please share my e-mail address with her as I would love to get in conact with her. I am one of millions of women out there who can't have a child so the thought of this just sickens me. Please follow your heart and don't do it.....I will be praying for the parents that they understand how wrong this is. Do you think that if you didn't do it they would overcome the fact of having one child when they were born and be happy that you went against their will and didn't reduce (just a thought) ...please truly share my e-mail address with them as my husband and I would LOVE to adopt another child.
ReplyDeleteLove Tonya reinruofjohn@gpcom.net
Would you please post some information about what city/state you live in? There are plenty of people willing to help you with legal representation, but it will depend on where you reside.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for all you are having to deal with in your quest to give the ultimate gift to another person. Bless your heart for enduring. You are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteAs a person who has been dealing with infertility issues, my heart is breaking. If I had the means, I would take the other baby in a minute.
Again, I am praying for you - for strength, wisdom, and the boldness to stand up for God's will in your life and the lives of these babies. I am also praying for the intended parents and that God will have His way in their hearts and lives as well.
Many blessings to you...
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI left a comment the other day. I just wanted to say that I hope I didn't come off to strong. I am just so sad and so upset over this. I'm sure you are too from reading your site. I feel so helpless and compelled to offer you my support in any way possible. I sincerely offer my support. It's one thing to say it but to mean it is another. I do and I can't imagine the mental struggle you are dealing with. I am close to a friend who got an abortion at a young age (twins) and she has a very difficult time living with herself. Seeing a little baby on the screen, squirming around, heart beating..... and then to know you are the cause of it's death would be more than I could bear. I am very serious, when I say that we would certainly be willing to adopt this child. Have you asked the parents if this would be an option. If legal papers were signed before the birth wouldn't they agree to that? Oh, please let them know that there are people who care and respect their wants for only one child but also there are other people who would like one child so won't they do the honors of also giving back (like you are giving to them). Couldn't they find it in their heart to give someone else a child? My head hurts and my heart aches for this baby and for you. I am praying for you. I apologize for anything I might have said out of the way. I wear my feelings on my sleeve. I love children and believe those babie(s) were put here for a reason. I am leaving you my email if you'd like to talk. May God be with you and these babies. I can't imagine what the baby would be thinking tonight if he/she knew she was going to die tomorrow. Oh, there go the tears again. My heart is hurting. :(
Love,
Krystena
momof2withga2@yahoo.com
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAudra, don't let people like Catherine scare you. You have rights. The baby has rights. Look at all the support you are getting here, people want that baby or both. Please don't let money hold you hostage.
ReplyDeleteIf the parents decide not to go ahead, they may drop support - but if it gets out, do you think they are really going to sue you for not wanting to do something that is morally wrong and that may scar you emotionally and physically? What happens if you miscarry the remaining baby and end up not being able to have children again?
This is a huge decision and I wish you didn't have to make it. I am praying that the parents will have a change of heart.
I hope you'll blog soon to let us know that you're reading and realize that people care about you and those babies.
By the way, you are not doing anything controversial here, the parents are.
ReplyDeleteSending you love Audra. Wish I could take the baby.. after all, what would one more be in my house? xoxo, Lorayne
ReplyDeleteHave been and will continue to pray for you, the babies, and their IP's.
ReplyDeleteI prayed for you this morning that God would give you the courage you need to go against your contract and the desires of these parents. I pray also that the IPs would change their minds (if not now, then when their children are born). I pray that you would know God's peace *right now* and know that you have made the right decision to not go through with ending the life of the IPs child. TRUST GOD - He will help you to handle all He has given you. God will not lead you to do something and then abandon you. Trust Him and He will see you through this!!
ReplyDeletePraying for you today. Hopefully everything is ok. Please let us know how you are doing when you feel up to it.
ReplyDeleteAudra, what happened yesterday??? Please fill us all in!! We have been praying for you!!
ReplyDelete