Sickened

I am so discusted right now! I just got off the phone with the Doctor that will have to perform the reduction. She explained the procedure to me stating its very similar to an amnio.. she will take a long thin needle and go in through my abdomen and inject a medication into the sak and apparantly thats that. She can't perform the procedure until I am between 12-14wks. Apparantly because she has to check the neck size of the fetus..I guess if the neck size is thicker/thinner I can't remember which one that there could be possable abnormalities and then she would know which fetus to take. I am so f-ing discusted right now I can hardly function. I was finally at a point yesturday where its like lets just do this get it over with and move on. I don't want to become bitter and have this experience ruined with anger and hatred!! Now I'm just pissed because I have to wait so long..allowing the baby to grow even more..it just makes me sick!! I have another doctors appt. in 2wks in which I will have an ultrasound done and I'm just going to continue to send the pictures to the intended parents in hopes that they will feel bad seeind two babies in the picture and not want to go through with it. I can only hope and pray that they change there mind!!
I realize that this process isn't about me. It never was..I am doing this because I simply want to help a family in need have a child. I am still going to be doing that , but this is apparantly the shitty part that no one likes to think about!! Once again as I've stated before I will take this and learn from it in the case that I ever decide to do this again. I will make sure that certain stipulations are out in the open and on paper!!
I am going to continue to pray for this family that they change there mind..and pray for forgiveness from God for what I have to do...