Monday, December 14, 2009

todays appt..

Today has certainally been and up and down day. It began at 4:30 a.m. when the dogs awoke me to go outside. I went downstairs to let them out and while they were at used the restroom. When I went to the bathroom there was blood. Of course my initial reaction was shock! It was alot of blood...I was devastated..started crying and just saying and over again. The thought kept going through my head that I was going to have to contact this couple and tell them that as quickly as I made there dreams come true I ended it. I was so upset..went upstairs and woke my husband up crying to him telling him how I couldn't tell these ppl. I had a miscarriage. That of course is your first assumption when you are pregnant and begin to bleed..especially an excessive amount at one time. The bleeding was not continuous..the flowing had ceased and it continued with just spotting.
Thank God I already had an ultrasound appt. scheduled for today. On my way to LA I contacted the nurse and gave her a heads up on what had occurred that morning. When I arrived the Dr. came in and told me that some mild bleeding/spotting is normal with IVF. When he did the ultrasound everything was in fact fine. In fact there were not just one but two little heartbeats. Wow!! I was so relieved...I thought wow twins..sad for me and my body but great for them right? Yah, that's what I thought until I got home and received a call from one of the directors from the agency. She explained to me that the IP's (intended parents) were in fact happy however they brought to her attention that at the beginning of this process they stated due to them being an older couple they wanted one healthy child. They wanted one child to dedicate there time and energy towards. They originally stated that to them since they are in fact starting off a lot later in life than most and may not have the energy to keep up with two little long story short they want me to have a reduction. I was so taken back by this. I'm like are you kidding me? Here I was this morning mortified that I had lost there child and then I get the news that they're going to have two and now they want to get rid of one..what???? I looked over my contract and it does in fact state that should I become pregnant with multiples that I would reduce to a singleton. This was obviously an area I overlooked!! I can certainly see if it were triplets because it is a high risk for not only the babies but for me as well..but healthy twins are born all the time. The director explained to me that in the 81/2 yrs. that she has been there that no one has ever gone through a reduction and lost both babies. That they have always been successful with the other child being born healthy. This was a tough one for me..and being that it's in my contract I of course have to do it. I had to really sit back and absorb the day and all that had transpired.
So what it boils down to is I began this journey to help a deserving couple. I do believe this couple is very deserving and constantly tell me how appreciative and grateful they are for what I am doing for them. I have to do the reduction and respect there wishes. I do understand there perspective due to the fact that they are an older couple. (Young at heart and very athletic and in great shape..but def. starting later than most:) )

You see when you are in a situation like this, you have this immense amount of pressure to fulfill this lifelong dream of someones..this isn't just a dream to see the Oprah..this is a life. I started to view the situation as if it were me..I wouldn't reduce because if I were in that situation I would feel even more blessed to receive two healthy children, but this isn't about me and what I want. This is about me helping them with what they want. I will however..if I ever decided to do this again..I will make sure that it is in my contract that I will not reduce if it is twins because I personally do not agree with it...but ..I have shed quite a few tears today..and I'm sure I will shed some more in the next few days as I'm on bed rest for the next 3days..yay me!!

1 comment:

  1. My stomach is in a knot for you. I think those people are disgusting. I'm sorry, but that is horrible. I'm so so sorry Audra, it is your poor body that is going to have to go through this. I'm going to be praying about this big for you. Wish I could give you a hug.